There it was: the Super Bowl.  For one entire glorious day, America’s most popular sport celebrated the imminent crowning of a new champion.  And after two solid weeks of media coverage, the celebration had to extend beyond the average talking head.  Enter: musical diversions.

FOX featured a variety of pregame entertainment, beginning with country-crossover star Keith Urban, best known for being Australian and his marriage to Nicole Kidman (fox.com).  He’s also a classic example of a lead guitarist who thinks so highly of his musical talent that vocals are just the logical next step, having started his country career as a musician in Brooks and Dunn’s entourage (mtv.com).

Next up was Maroon 5, of which obviously nothing bad can be said. Moving on.

Christina Aguilera got the call for delivering the national anthem, and promptly demonstrated why nobody has cared about her since the 2002 debut of Stripped (billboard.com).  The self-stylized Xtina derailed a perfectly lovely song the only ways she knew how: totally insane (and completely unnecessary) vocal runs.  Oh, and messing up the lyrics.  That too.  Ke$ha probably could’ve sung it better; at least the audience would be able to tell if she was in tune.

None of the pregame failures, though, could measure up to the main event: the halftime show.  The Black Eyed Peas, the first halftime act not made up of old codgers since the Justin Timberlake-Janet Jackson peepshow during Super Bowl XXVIII, failed to impress in almost every conceivable way.  Microphone problems aside, the band performed nearly as many covers as band-specific songs, and included bizarre appearances by Slash (since classic rock is apparently a requirement for halftime) and Usher, aka Big Bieber.  While the light-up dancers surrounding the stage were undeniably cool, there were some major issues keeping all of the singers’ microphones on simultaneously, and that paled in comparison to Fergie’s overly television-friendly outfit.  Who knew she had turned Amish?

Unfortunately for Pittsburgh fans, the game couldn’t make up for the lackluster side shows.  Halftime was seen by many as the last refuge of fun in a game the Steelers did not seem to take much interest in, but it failed to live up to even this modest billing.  Perhaps the imminent NFL lockout is a good thing; at least shoddy halftime shows will be suspended indefinitely.