How To Be A Fourth Nine Weeks Senior

Eyram Akabua, Staff Writer

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So you’ve made it through winter break, spring break, and you’re ready to start giving up. Don’t know where to begin? Follow this step-by-step guide to put forth your best effort towards being the worst.

 

  1. Toss the fancy attire.

Little do most people know, the third and fourth quarters of school have a modified dress code for seniors: If it doesn’t have a drawstring on it, leave it at home. Elastic is your best friend.

 

  1. Do your homework as needed.

You’ve managed to keep the farce that you’re a respectable student going for 4 long years. Whether you want to give up now is up to you, but just know which teachers will have sympathy for your dedication thus far, and which ones will bathe in your tears.

 

  1. Tell them how you really feel.

You won’t see most of these people again. Leave them kind notes to tell them how much they’ve meant to you during the most excruciating time of your life.

 

  1. Leave gifts for the people you appreciate.

Did a teacher round-up your semester grade last winter? Bake them some cookies, spiked with love. Did a student boldly cut in front of you in the lunch line? Gift box dog poop and leave it in their locker. Spread the love, man.

 

  1. Be the epitome of relaxed.

Stressed out? By this point, you should be. But teachers can smell your frazzled nature like sharks smell blood, and we all know who the real enemy is here. Utilize trendy lingo bae fam. Plaster a smile on your face while you take that quiz that you forgot about and will probably fail without divine intervention. Instead of groaning, emit positive vibes and approach the back of the pasta bar with glee.

 

Suh dude. Hang loose brah.

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