As any 9th grade Wellness Ed student can tell you, most “Fad” diets are dangerous and will probably kill a student, although he or she will definitely have a fat-free coffin.  The very popular Atkins diet, for example, is a popular carb-free diet that cuts down on carbs which can lead to fat build-up.  But the Atkins diet has a downside — it creates the adverse effect of depriving the body of necessary carbohydrates and causing harmful chemicals to build up in the body (Live Strong).  Other miracle diets include fasting, nutrient deprivation or stock-piling, or the worst of all diets:  FDA-unregulated diet pills.  People all over the world have tested these diets, and most have ended up much worse off than when they started.

High Schoolers may at last have salvation, though, as a new diet is coming into popularity among teens.  The new diet, called WFCD, or “Weight Factor Consumption Diet,” has recently been measured at being used by 99.9% of American High School students.  The diet requires dieters to decrease the consumption of WFs, or weight factors. These are most commonly present in foods, such as vegetables, meats, fruits, and dairy.  You guessed it; these dieters are consuming grains and oils/fats.  The diet creator, Dr. Ian Malcolm, who gained national fame in the film Jurassic Park, broke free from the rigors of mathematics in order to provide the world with his newest creation.

Coined the “Chaos Diet,” Malcolm had this to say about the diet, “My fantastic and easy to follow diet is based on the fact that producers have finally begun to understand their environment and harness the good energy that it has to offer, putting it into processed foods.  Coke, Frito-Lay, and Oreo’s have effectively designed products that throw the body into a chaos of nutrients, which effectively causes a loss in weight.”  Upon questioning about the virtues of the diet, Dr. Malcolm was recorded as commenting, “I’ve never been wrong before.”

Some opposition has been spearheaded by nutritionists and trainers, questioning the merits of the diet.  They argue that processed foods are causing more and more health related illnesses, and the diet recommends the exact opposite of what should be done.  However, the market for nutritionists and personal trainers has been hit hard, and many have lost their jobs as a result of the grassroots sensation.  Dr. Malcolm is planning to release an accompanying couch-sitting exercise program for diet-users to utilize in their never ending quest to be healthy.